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fAiRy gOdSisTeRs, iNk.
Surprising Writers & Illustrators Everywhere!

SOCIETY OF CHILDREN'S BOOK WRITERS & ILLUSTRATORS (SCBWI)
SUMMER CONFERENCE GRANT

Announcing a $1,000 grant opportunity
for an SCBWI member to attend the
August 1-4, 2008 Summer Conference in Los Angeles

TO APPLY: Submit a 250-word double-spaced essay
describing what you hope to accomplish by attending
this year's summer conference.

(And if you're not already an SCBWI member, it's easy to join: http://www.scbwi.org)


Send your essay to: fairygodsistersink@yahoo.com

Application deadline: May 15th, 2008
Winner will be notified on June 1st, 2008

Questions about the grant may be sent to: mlhershey@aol.com


fAiRy gOdSiStErS, iNk. is a small, benevolent squadron of children's book authors
who believe in the magic of passing forward lucky breaks, bounty and
beneficence, as so many have done for us. We are: Thalia Chaltas, Mary
Hershey, Valerie Hobbs, Robin La Fevers and Lee Wardlaw.

I'll be speaking and autographing books this Saturday, April 19th, 2008, at the Ventura County Young Author Faire!

This event, which promotes young authors, will take place at the John Spoor Broome Library at Cal State University, Channel Islands, from 9:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.

Joining me will be my good buddy/fellow author Ellen Kelley. Ellen is a fabulous poet, an entertaining speaker, and the author of such hilarious books as "The Lucky Lizard", "My Life as a Chicken" and "Buckamoo Girls."





Hundreds of books written by children from Ventura County will be on display. Attendees can share their books, listen to storytellers, create art projects and read to therapy dogs (!). Adventures for Kids bookstore will be on hand so kids can purchase personally autographed books written by Ellen and me.

The Ventura County Young Authors' Faire is FREE! So is on-camping parking for the event. Children (and people who act like children) must be accompanied by adults.

The event is sponsored by the CSUCI University Library, the CSUCI English Program and the Ventura County Reading Association.

For more information, visit http://www.library.csuci.edu/reading/index.php, or contact Debi Hoffmann at 437-2701 or debra.hoffmann@csuci.edu.

The fall 2007 "How I Accidentally Bugged My Best Friend" Contest officially closed on December 31st, 2007.
I've been sooooo busy writing and visiting schools (and suffering from The Death Flu!), that I haven't had a chance to post the winners till now.

So here they are . . .


DRUM ROLL PLEASE!:






FIRST PRIZE:

Aimee, age 12, from Fairbanks, Alaska:
How I accidentally bugged my best friend:
"I have no idea what I did wrong! All I did was mix my foods, but I always do that! It was just a piece of pizza... well... with salsa, ketup, musturd, relish, tartar sauce, french fries, chocolate, and a dash of parika!"


Hmmmm . . . this would be a great submission to a contest called 101 Ways to Make My Best Friend Barf!


HONORABLE MENTION:

Ben, age 11, from Dallas, Texas:
How I accidentally bugged my best friend: I showed up WAY early to his birthday party. Even before he got there!


CONGRATULATIONS to both Aimee and Ben. Aimee will receive an autographed copy of one of my books (her choice), plus a Don't Bug Me t-shirt. Ben will receive an autographed copy of one of my books as well.

Thanks to everyone who entered the contest. The Winter contest, with the same theme, is now open . . .
I'll be taking entries till April 1st, 2008!

Well, sort of the movie!

One of my fans and a group of her friends wrote, acted, filmed and produced a scene from 101 Ways to Bug Your Teacher for their theatre class.

It is so cool!

And I am so honored.

So, here it is for your enjoyment!

TO GET YOU STARTED WITH YOUR CELEBRATION OF KID INVENTORS' DAY, HERE'S AN ACTIVITY
TEACHERS MIGHT WANT TO USE IN THEIR CLASSROOM:


“I’ve Got An Idea!” by Lee Wardlaw
(Problem-solving, Critical/analytical thinking; Science)

Place the following items on a table in front of the classroom: Earmuffs, calculator, box of Popsicles, a resealable cereal box, a pair of Wristies.  Ask children to guess what these items have in common.

Answer: 
They were all invented by kids!
They were all invented to solve a problem the kids had.

Examples:
- Earmuffs kept ears from getting cold
- Resealable cereal boxes prevented cereal from getting stale
- Wristies prevent kids (and grown-ups!) from losing their gloves and mittens
- The calculator enabled people to add and subtract large numbers at a faster rate

Optional: Have students think of similar examples from the novels 101 Ways to Bug Your Parents and 101 Ways to Bug Your Teacher by Lee Wardlaw. These novels features Stephen("Sneeze") J. Wyatt, a kid-inventor, who designs the following:

- A glow-in-the-dark toilet seat to keep from falling in on a dark night;
- The Nice Alarm, to awaken people nicely with a gentle tap on the shoulder, instead of being startled out of bed with a loud clang, gong or buzz;
- A Diaper Alarm, so his parents know when his little sister is wet;
- A mechanical ice cream cone for kids who are too hot, tired and lazy to lick on a hot summer day.
- A Keep Kool Kap with an attached mini-sprinkler, to keep you cool on hot days

Divide children into small groups.  Have each group brainstorm a list of things that bug or bother them, or that cause them problems. (Offer the following categories to get them started: School, home, grocery store, the movie theatre, the car, cleaning, sports, pets)

Next, each group will brainstorm ways to solve one or all of the problems with a new invention.

Have each student draw the ‘blueprints’ for his/her invention, describing how it works.

OTHER ACTIVITIES TO USE WITH THIS LESSON:

Name the invention; create a plan to market and advertise it; build the invention for a class or school Invention Convention; research and write a biography of a famous child inventor/invention; create ways to celebrate Kid Inventors Day (January 17th) or National Invention Month (August); Discuss the creative process and writer’s block/inventor’s block; research the patent process; keep an inventor’s log.

Invention Websites of Interest:
http://www.bkfk.com/
http://www.uspto.gov/go/kids/
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/inventors/
http://www.totallyabsurd.com/absurd.htm
http://192.107.108.56/portfolios/t/tomaselli_l/gopage.htm (a website created by a teacher/librarian, filled with invention-oriented lesson plans)

TODAY IS OFFICIALLY THE FIRST ANNUAL . . .








KID INVENTORS' DAY (K.I.D.) CELEBRATES THE 500,000 CHILDREN AND TEENS WHO INVENT GADGETS AND GAMES EVERY YEAR THAT HELP MAKE OUR LIVES EASIER . . . AND MORE FUN!

K.I.D. IS CELEBRATED ANNUALLY ON JANUARY 17TH, THE BIRTH ANNIVERSARY OF BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, WHO INVENTED THE FIRST SWIM FLIPPERS AT THE AGE OF 12!

K.I.D.'S PURPOSE IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE PAST AND PRESENT ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF KID INVENTORS; AND TO ENCOURAGE THE CREATIVITY OF FUTURE KID INVENTORS.

CHECK OUT THE K.I.D. LISTING THE THE 2008 EDITION OF CHASE'S CALENDAR OF EVENTS, AVAILABLE FROM MCGRAW-HILL COMPANIES, INC.

AND CHECK OUT THE OFFICIAL K.I.D. WEBSITE, TOO! THE 'BOOKS' AND 'LINKS' ICONS ARE NOW ACTIVE. AND, OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS AND MONTHS, I'LL BE ADDING TEACHER'S GUIDES, CONTESTS, TIPS FOR YOUNG INVENTORS, AND MORE! http://www.kidinventorsday.com



". . . inventing is who I am, and who I want to be. Always."
-Sneeze Wyatt, kid-inventor from 101 Ways to Bug Your Parents.

Most of you know me as Lee Wardlaw, Children's Book Author.

I've held a number of other titles, as well.

Teacher.
Tutor.
Tooth Fairy. (Don't ask)

Radio station commercial copywriter.

Girl Scout Leader.

And now . . .

Mrs. S. Claus!




For two hours, anyway.

Last December, a friend of mine, John Dixon, starting receiving phone calls from children hoping to recite their gift lists to "Santa". Seems that John's business number, 1-800-SANTABARBARA, is just one digit off from 1-800-SANTACLAUS.

Rather than disappoint the Tiny Tims and Cindy Lou Whos, he chortled a ho-ho-ho and played along . . . to the tune of thousands of phone calls during the holidays. He received national attention for his quick St. Nickery (appearing on CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX News, and MSNBC), and became known as the "Accidental Santa"

This holiday season, John was out it again. But this time, there was no accident about it. With the help of the festive folks at Montecito Bank and Trust, who donated their administrative office and a bank of telephones, John set up a "Santa Claus Call Center" to run from December 17th-24th. He staffed it with volunteers from the community . . . including Yours Truly!





I answered the phone for two hours on December 19th, saying cheerfully: "Merry Christmas, this is Mrs. Claus! What's your name?"

Here are a few of the responses I received:

"Oh! This is for real! I was just checking the phone number before I let my children/grandchildren/students call. Thank you!"

"I want a four-wheeler."

"I want a doll."

"An iPod."

"A football."

"World Peace."

"World Peas." (This from a middle schooler, followed by hysterical laughter.)

"I'm a teacher, and one of my preschoolers is having a hard day. Would you please tell her that Santa Claus does not visit little girls who won't stop crying and who won't keep their hands to themselves?" (I declined.)

"How much does Santa weigh?"

"When is Rudolph's birthday?"

"I'm calling for Jeff, a special needs adult. He would like you to bring him wax to polish his shoes. Blue wax."

"You don't sound old enough to be Mrs. Claus!"

"I want to talk to Santa. Not you." (Click)

"I want a game. Monopoly, please."

"Sweorisjie. Beqqqpth.. Monortyzop." (This from many unintelligible toddlers.)

"Tell Mrs. Claus you want a doll." (Silence.) "Tell Mrs. Claus thank-you." (Silence.) "Say, Merry Christmas!" (More Silence. And some breathless breathing.)

"What kind of cookies should I leave for you, Santa? And do you want a glass of milk?"

I loved receiving calls from kids in the south (Alabama, Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina), who were incredibly polite, always replying with "Yes, ma'am" and 'No, ma'am". I felt like royalty!

I also loved one call that came in from a middle school boy from Alaska, who was riding the bus home from school. After giving me his wish list, he passed his cell phone to just about every kid on the bus who, amidst
giggles and guffaws, either told me what they wanted, asked me how the weather was, or flirted with me.

I look forward to doing this again next year!

If you'd like to learn more about the "Accidental Santa", please visit John Dixon's Santa Claus Phone Center website at: http://www.accidentalsanta.org.

SEASON'S READINGS!

A few days ago, I posted a list of ways that parents bug their children. It seems only fair that I now share with you a few ways teachers bug their students . . . and yes, these come straight from the bugged students themselves!


Teachers, are you listening . . . ?




IT BUGS ME WHEN MY TEACHERS . . .


1. get on my case for not finishing work when I was actually absent that day.

2. announce to the entire class what each student got on the latest test, and I got a bad grade.

3. have favorite students and ignore me completely.

4. act like they know everything and then get really mad when you try to correct them.




5. are too old to handle a class.

6. try to embarrass you in front of the class.

7. give us homework on the day of a field trip . . .

8. or on a Friday before a three-day weekend . . .

9. or right before Christmas vacation.



10. ignore me when I'm raising my hand so I have to go up to their desk later to ask my question.

11. make everyone run laps when only one person in the class messed up.

12. keep adding things to our homework.



13. call you up to the front of the class on your birthday and SING "Happy Birthday" to you.

14. state the complete obvious.

15. show embarrassing pictures of you on graduation day.

16. forget to assign something and then ask for it the next day.

17. ask a few people if they're done with seat work, and then assume everyone else is done too.

18. play old, annoying music.

19. try to use our slang.



20. don't let you eat in class, but they get to.

21. give you homework because they didn't have time to explain stuff in class.

22. try to stare you down.

23. are teaching one subject, get distracted, and start teaching something else.

24. blame you for something you didn't do.

25. try to teach you square dancing and make you hold hands with a girl . . .

26. or a boy.

27. confiscate the notes you were passing to a friend and read them aloud to the class.

28. walk up and down the aisles, peering over our shoulders, when we're taking a test.




29. don't let us sit next to our friends in class.

30. talk in a boring voice, and then get upset when we fall asleep.



31. don't let us chew gum in class, even though it helps us relax while taking tests.



32. don't believe us when we say our dog ate our homework.



Do you have a 'favorite' way your teacher has bugged you? Feel free to post it!

Do you know about California Readers? They are a non-profit organization made up of enthusiastic teachers, librarians, book sellers, businesses, authors, illustrators and parents. Their goal: To connect California authors and artists with students and teachers in the Los Angeles Unified School District. Their website is located at: http://www.californiareaders.org/

One very cool thing they do on their site is post eclectic interviews with California authors and illustrators. Stop by to see if your favorite authors are listed!

Read my interview with Bonnie O'Brian at http://www.californiareaders.org/interviews/wardlaw_lee.php
and learn:


1. What my all-time favorite fan letter was
2. What embarrassing costume my little brother wore one year for Halloween
3. How long it took me to sell my first book

. . . and more!

The fires raging in southern California right now - - including San Diego, Malibu, Simi Valley, Ventura, Valencia, and Santa Ynez - - bring back all-too-vivid memories of the fire that destroyed my family's house on July 26th, 1977. A kite tangled in power lines was the catalyst for that fire; more than 200 homes were completely destroyed. We lost everything, including our cat.




Two days after the fire, this picture of my family's home appeared on the front page of the L.A. Times.



This map showed the area the fire consumed. Our house was located at the intersection of Sycamore Canyon and Stanwood Drive.

I understand what it's like to lose a home, a neighborhood. And, as many of you know, my very first young adult novel, COREY'S FIRE, was based on my experiences in the 1977 fire.

If you are a teacher or librarian working in one of the areas currently affected by fire, and you would like a copy of COREY'S FIRE for your school or library, please email me at author@leewardlaw.com. I will send you, free of charge, an autographed copy. COREY'S FIRE is suitable for ages 10 and up, and was honored as an IRA/CBC Children's Choice Book and an ALA Quick Picks for Great Reads.

For all of you fire survivors out there: my thoughts are with you.

Do you live in Northern California? Got nuthin' to do this weekend, September 15th? Then come browse the Sonoma County Book Festival from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., Old Courthouse Square in Santa Rosa.

Remember to drop by and say hello. I'll be there most of the afternoon. First, at 2:00 p.m. in the Young People's Tent, I'll be one of several children's book authors on the "Let's Talk ABout Writing" Panel, open to kids,
parents, teachers, librarians, and others who love Kid Lit. Other authors slated for the panel are:

Deborah Davis: http://www.deborahdavisauthor.com
(author of NOT LIKE YOU)

Susan Meyers: http://www.hnabooks.com/product/show/6210
(author of KITTENS! KITTENS! KITTENS!)

Douglas Rees: http://www.douglasrees.com
(author of THE JANUS GATE )

Lisa Shulman: http://www.lisashulman.com
(author of THE MOON MIGHT BE MILK)

Then, at 3:00 p.m., I'll be presenting a lively, interactive presentation for kids called "101 Ways to Bug Your Teachers." This program will also take place in the Young People's Tent, with a book signing to follow.
Free goodies and a drawing with prizes will be included!

Hope to see you there!

For more info, visit: http://www.socobookfest.org/index.html

Why did the Eygptian chicken cross the road?
To get to the Afterlife!


Are you a student or teacher whose 6th grade class is studying ancient Egypt? If so, here's my 'recipe' for a Chicken Mummy (see below). This project is a fun, educational and not-too-smelly way of learning more about the history, culture and science of the early Egyptians.

The recipe is reproduced here from my novel 101 Ways to Bug Your Teacher (Dial/Penguin; copyright Lee Wardlaw, 2004). In one of the plot lines of the story, several students speedily embalm their own version of King Cluck in order to enter him, uh, her in the upcoming History Faire - - with disastrously fowl (foul!) results. If you follow the directions, below, carefully, your poultry prince will not meet the same fate. HAVE FUN!


HOW TO MAKE A CHICKEN MUMMY


YOU WILL NEED:

• 1 whole fresh chicken, about 3 pounds. (Do not use a frozen or defrosted chicken.)
• 1 box gallon-size Zip-loc (or other brand) self-sealing freezer bags.
• One large mixing bowl
• One large metal spoon
• 4-6 (one for each week) four-pound boxes of salt (granulated, not rock salt)
• 4-6 (one for each week) one-pound boxes of baking soda
• 1 bottle of olive oil
• 1 box each of cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves
• Rubber gloves
• Paper towels
• About 2 yards of linen, bandages, or an old sheet, cut into 1” strips


DIRECTIONS:


1. Put on rubber gloves.
2. Remove chicken from wrapper; take out the giblets (neck, gizzard, liver, heart, etc.) and set aside. (You may place the gizzard, neck, liver, etc., into separate glass baby food jars filled with lemon juice, rubbing alcohol or vinegar, to simulate the canopic jars the Egyptians used to bury the heart and other organs of the great pharaohs.)


Lee and her chicken wave hello to fans.


3. Wash the chicken, inside and out, with cool or cold water.
4. Pat chicken completely dry with paper towels. Remember to thoroughly dry the inside of the chicken, too.



Lee makes sure Miss Chick is clean and dry.

5. In a large bowl, pour in one box of the salt and one box of the baking soda. Mix well.
6. Coat or dredge the outside of the chicken in the salt and baking soda mixture.
7. Place the chicken inside a Zip-loc bag. Fill the inside cavity of the chicken with the salt and baking soda mixture.



Get in the bag, Missy!


8. Pour the remainder of the salt and baking soda into the bag, making sure it evenly coats all sides of the chicken, especially the wings and drumsticks.
9. Seal the bag. Place the bag inside of a second Zip-loc freezer bag. Set in a cool, dry place for one week.



Here's what your chicken should look like after Stage One. Remember to keep her sealed in this bag for one week.


10. After the chicken is in the bag, thoroughly wash the bowl, spoon, rubber gloves and any surfaces the chicken may have touched, with HOT, soapy water. Dry.
11. At the end of the first week, put on the rubber gloves and remove the chicken from the freezer bag. (You will notice a faint, but not unpleasant, poultry odor.)
12. Using paper towels, wipe off the salt into the trash. Pour or wipe out the salt from the inside cavity as well.
13. Repeat with steps 5-9.

14. Each week, until the chicken has dried out (about 4-6 weeks), you will need to remove the chicken from the bag, wipe off the salt, and repeat steps 5-9.
15. When the chicken has completely dried, wipe off the excess salt with damp paper towels. Pat the chicken dry.

16. Rub olive oil into the skin of the chicken.
17. Sprinkle the chicken with ground clove, cinnamon, and nutmeg, and rub into the skin.
18. Wrap the linen or bandage strips around the outside of the chicken until the oil no longer soaks through.
19. Decorate your chicken mummy with “jewels.” She is now ready for his funeral procession and entombment!




Here's my chicken mummy, wrapped and bejeweled and ready for burial! I didn't have strips of linen, so I cut up an old pillow case.

MORE PICTURES TO COME!


20. You can have extra fun with this project by: naming your chicken mummy; writing a history of his life, reign, great deeds; build a sarcophagus or tomb for him; create special treasures for him to take into the Afterlife, such as games, books, foods, jewels, etc.

21. You may wish to bury your chicken. Some teachers report they have dug up and unwrapped their chicken mummies more than a year later, and not only did they still look fresh (some with red meat on the bones!), they did not smell!


Has your class made a chicken mummy? Enter it in the Chicken Mummy Contest. Coming soon to this blog! Watch for details . . .

"Together they trudged up the steep road behind their homes. The air was hot, and Corey found it difficult to breathe. Wild gusts of Santa Anas tugged at her. She stumbled one, and Topher caught her with a strong arm. "Thanks," she mumbled. Topher didn't seem to hear. The roaring wind drowned out her words and those of the disc jockey, still broadcasting over the portable radio. Corey tried to grasp the fragments of news she heard:

" '. . . cause is yet undetermined . . . gusts of up to sixty miles an hour . . . homes threatened . . . Red Cross stations set up for evacuees . . . "

"At last they reached the top of the hill. Corey pushed her wind-whipped hair from her eyes and looked down over the other side.

"Her mouth open in horror. The canyon was an ocean of orange flame. How had it spread so fast? The blazed leaped like stormy surf, engulfing brush and trees. Hot embers and acrid smoke blew into her face. Corey's eyes smarted with tears.

"'Let's get out of here!' she cried."

-from COREY'S FIRE by Lee Wardlaw, copyright 1990


Many of you know that my novel, COREY'S FIRE, is based on a true story: 30 years ago, July 26th, 1977, my family's home in Santa Barbara, CA, was one of over 200 destroyed in a brush fire. We lost everything - including our cat.

Here is a sampling of photos from that disaster:




Our house (Yes! It's octagonal!), before the fire, viewed from above.



Our house, viewed from the back yard.



The blaze, as seen from the Mesa, looking toward the mountains. Special thanks to Meredith Brace, librarian at Laguna Blanca Lower School, for allowing me to scan and use this photo. It was taken by her brother.




Nothing left of our house but twisted metal, charred wood . . .



. . . and ash.



View of the house, from the garage (which is no longer there!) and driveway.



We still had a mailbox!




The Sycamore Fire, and its effect on my friends, family and community, was the inspiration for my first young adult novel, Corey's Fire, which was published by Avon/Flare (William Morrow) in January, 1990 -13 years after the inferno. The book has been republished twice more since that time, but my favorite cover is the one above. I think the artist best captured how I envisioned Corey, not only in looks but also emotions. I never learned the name of the artist, but if he's out there, I'd love to purchase the orginal painting of this scene. It's beautiful and poignant.




This version, above, of Corey's Fire was published by Willowisp Press in 1995. I like the illustrator's painting of Corey and Topher, but the characters look much older than they are in the story. Having the two teens on the cover, though, attracted both girl and boy readers.




This new cover, created by iUniverse, was released in 2006. I like it a lot, and I'm grateful to the Author's Guild and their backinprint.com program; they did a superb job on the cover. What a treat that the book was re-released in time for the 30th anniversary of the fire!


For a teacher's guide of Corey's Fire, visit:
http://www.leewardlaw.com/for_educators_CoreysFire.htm

To learn more about Santa Barbara's Sycamore Fire, visit:
http://www.sb-outdoors.org/Interpretive/Wildfires/sycamore.php

To read a recent review of Corey's Fire, visit the blog of Janet Pedersen, librarian at Cold Spring School: http://csslibraryblog.blogspot.com/

COREY'S FIRE
by Lee Wardlaw
www.iuniverse.com
ages 10 and up

An American Library Association Quick Picks for Great Reads
An International Reading Association/Children's Book Council Children's Choice Book
A Recording for the Blind Book
A California Collections Book
An ALA/YALSA Recommended for Reluctant Teen Readers

Our family has long been fans of the Harry Potter books. We've read the books countless times (to ourselves and aloud to each other); at age 5, my son was the runner-up in a Harry Potter Look-a-Like contest (winning free movies passes to the first HP movie); we've attended Potter Parties at our favorite children's book store, Adventures for Kids (Ventura, CA), each time a new book has been released. So there was no question that we'd be amongst the wizards, witches and muggles on Friday, July 20th, 2007, to countdown the release of HP7.

Here are a few photos from that evening:




Lee and Patterson (age 11) arrive at the HP party, hosted by Hogwarts Academy (two families from Santa Barbara Montessori School). First stop: Diagon Alley, where we purchase our wands at Ollivander's.




Patterson was sorted into Gryffindor House, then fitted for his robes.



A rousing game of Quidditch is played between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw - - complete with brooms, bludgers, quaffles, and the Golden Snitch. Patterson is the Captain of his team, and plays the position of Chaser. Ravenclaw wins. The final score: 180 to 10. OUCH.



After losing in Quidditch to Ravenclaw, we all consider drinking a bit of Polyjuice Potion.



Patterson receives his copy of HP7 at 12:10 a.m., July 21st, 2007! He reads the first sentence in the car . . . has finished two chapters by the time he falls asleep on top of the book (so I can't steal it!) at 1:00 a.m.



Patterson engrossed in the book at 7:10 a.m. on July 21st. At 8:00 a.m., I can't take it anymore. Patterson is driving me crazy with his litany of "Eep!" "Whoa!" "Yeah!" "Oh, no!" "Ha-Ha!" comments. So, I head out to Chaucer's, our favorite independent bookstore in Santa Barbara, to buy my own copy of HP. I start reading it in the car, and continue while shopping at the farmer's market. A young woman there elbows her friend and says: "Look! She has IT" . . .then asks if she may touch it. I let her. But I keep a firm grip on the book. She just might snatch it!

Patterson finishes the book on Sunday, July 22nd, at 10:30 a.m. I finish an hour later, with him re-reading over my shoulder. I wipe my eyes and we close the book, satisfied. And sorry. No more new Harry books! Guess we'll just have to start over and read them all. Again.

Thank you, J.K.!

Here are the answers to the Quiz I posted on May 20th:

1. Where was Pierre born?
Oklahoma

2. When Sneeze says that Hayley is giving him her famous S.O.S., what does the S.O.S. stand for?
Squint of Suspicion

3. What is Ace's last name?
His real name is John Smith

4. What are Mr. Wyatt's two favorite condiments?
Ketchp and salsa

5. What kind of pet is Sneeze NOT allergic to?
Fish

6. Why does Hayley fire Sneeze?
Because she thinks he lied to her when he promised he wasn't writing a book called 101 Ways to Bug Your Teacher

7. What is Goldie's newspaper column called?
Goldie's Gossip

8. Why doesn't Sneeze want to skip 8th grade?
His parents arranged for him to be promoted to high school, skipping 8th grade, so that he could
take more advanced classes and work in a sophisticated lab, improving his invention skills. But he's got inventor's block, and is too embarrassed to have that revealed to his parents and friends, for fear that they'll
be disappointed or angry with him.

9. Where is Hayley's secret hiding place?
Inside The Great Pyramid at Gadabout Golf

10. What is the difference between a Dud, a Dynamo and a Disaster?
Duds cause teachers to merely frown, flinch or ignore Sneeze; Dynamos provoke them to sputter, stutter or send Sneeze into the hall; Disasters mean getting suspended or expelled.

11. Name at least three of Sneeze's inventions, not including The Nice Alarm.
The Keep-Kool Baseball Cap; Chomps-a-Lot, the gum that doesn't lose its flavor; Coat-Away, the automatic Coat Remover; the Electronic Ice Cream Cone (for kids who are too lazy to lick); Nuts to You, the automatic
peanut butter toast maker.

12. Why did Fierce switch from teaching 1st graders to 7th graders?
It was the only teaching job available when she moved to Lemon County.

13. What kitchen appliance does Pierre ask Sneeze to fix?
His electric beaters (mixer)

14. What was Tony's former job?
Rodeo cowboy

15. How many boys are there in Hiccup's family?
6

16. What are the names of the Denardo dogs?
They are all named after Santa's reindeer; the two dogs featured in this story are Dasher and Dancer.

17. What did July call her inventors' club, and where did she get the idea?
She called it "I've Got An Idea" and she stole the idea from Sneeze.

18. Who left the playing card in Hiccup's hospital room?
Ace.

19. What is #4 on The Death Roll chart?
"Sing three verses of 'Old MacDonald Had a Farm'"

20. What is Hayley's favorite kind of jewelry?
Earrings in the shape of golf balls

21. Who is Hiccup madly in love with?
Sneeze's mom

22. What does Sneeze name is baby sister, and why?
Alyssa Marie, after Hayley's mother (Alyssa) and Madame Marie Curie, the great woman
scientist

23. What is Mrs. Wyatt's profession?
She is a microbiologist

24. Why did D & D attack King Cluck at the History Faire?
They were attracted to its rotting odor.

25. What does Sneeze always carry with him?
A mini-tookit attached to his belt or belt loop.

Add up the number of questions you got right, and check this chart for your score evaluation:

25 right: You are the Trivia Master! Either that, or Sneeze's long lost twin brother! You deserve to be a character in my next book! (Now go read something else!)

20-24 right: Wow. You must've read the book at least four times! And bugged your teachers at least twice! I am honored.

15-19 right: Good job! Impressive. I think you remembered things even I forgot!

10-14 right: I have a feeling you loved this book SO much, that you read it super fast and forgot a lot of the details. :)

5-9: Did you really read the entire book? Or did you lose it under your bed halfway through? Well, at least you were awake and paying attention for a chapter or two.

1-4 right: Admit it: you only read the list at the back of the book, didn't you? GO READ THE ENTIRE BOOK OR SUFFER MY WRATH!

Here are the winners of the Winter/Spring "How I Accidentally Bugged My Best Friend" Contest:

Third place winner:




SYLVIA M.
Goleta, CA
4th/5th/6th grade class

Here is Sylvia's entry:

"Dear Ms. Wardlaw,
I am a Montessori Center School student, and as I have quite a bit of experience in irritating my friends and driving them to the brink of insanity, I shall impart my considerable knowledge in the matter to you. This is my favorite technique:
Step # 1:
I perform a unique tribal dance (bobbing my head and walking like turkey,) while emitting a noise similar to a cat being squished by steamroller. This usually freaks them out, and I can commense to phase two.
Step # 2:
I go into a deep sulk, and when they try to cheer me up, roar at them and pounce on one randomly.
Step # 3:
I beg them for their lunch. If they refuse, I give them to the puppy eye . This is possibly the most effective."

Sylvia will receive an autographed copy of a book of her choice.

Second Place Winner:




MICHAEL
Age 10
Nova Scotia

Here is Michael's entry:

"One time I was teasing my sister about her stuffed animal and it turned out that my best friend still slept with one!"

Michael will also receive an autographed copy of a book of his choice.

And the FIRST PRIZE WINNER IS . . .

(drum roll, please)




JAMES
Age 9
Burlingame, Californa

Here is James's entry:

"Well, I wanted to play soccer with my friend, so I kept calling his name over and over again. He said I could play. But then I realized I had forgoten my shin guards and cleats on the other side of the field. I said I had to go get them. I had forgoten my goalie gloves, too, so I had to run across the field again. By the time I got back, the game was over. My team lost because they were short a player. Boy, was my friend upset!

James will also receive an autographed book of his choice, plus a T-shirt that reads: "Bug Off!" Maybe
he should offer it to his best friend. :)

Thanks to all of you who entered. You sent in some fabulously buggable entries! This contest will begin again June 1st, and continue until December 1st. Have fun!

Over the weekend, I received this fan letter and challenge from an 11-year-old boy from Chillicothe, Ohio:

"Hi, Mr.Wardlaw!"

(Oops. That's okay. Having 'Lee' as a first name, a lot of readers think I'm a guy! At least he spelled my name correctly. Often, I am addressed as: Ms. Weirdo, Ms. Warlock, or Ms. Warhog.)
 
"I read your book, 101 Ways to Bug Your Teacher and I really liked it. I thought it
was funny the way Hiccup talked. He must have a really good vocabulary! My favorite person was Ace. Turned out he was pretty caring after all.
 
"I was just wondering if you could give me a quiz over the book,and I will e-mail the answers back to you. Do you accept my challenge?"
 
"It would be really neat if you would try. Then I could tell my friends I got a quiz from an author! All my friends have read the book at one time or another,and they got a kick out of it.
 
"Thank you Mr.Wardlaw! And good luck with writing your next book!
 
Sincerely,
D."

I accepted the challenge, of course! So here is the official 101 Ways to Bug Your Teacher Just For Kids Trivia Quiz!

How many answers can YOU get right? (And no fair peeking at the book!)




1. Where was Pierre born?
2. When Sneeze says that Hayley is giving him her famous S.O.S., what does the S.O.S. stand for?
3. What is Ace's last name?
4. What are Mr. Wyatt's two favorite condiments?
5. What kind of pet is Sneeze NOT allergic to?
6. Why does Hayley fire Sneeze?
7. What is Goldie's newspaper column called?
8. Why doesn't Sneeze want to skip 8th grade?
9. Where is Hayley's secret hiding place?
10. What is the difference between a Dud, a Dynamo and a Disaster?
11. Name three of Sneeze's inventions, not including The Nice Alarm
12. Why did Fierce switch from teaching 1st graders to 7th graders?
13. What kitchen appliance does Pierre ask Sneeze to fix?
14. What was Tony's former job?
15. How many boys are there in Hiccup's family?
16. What are the names of the Denardo dogs?
17. What did July call her inventors' club, and where did she get the idea?
18. Who left the playing card in Hiccup's hospital room?
19. What is #4 on The Death Roll chart?
20. What is Hayley's favorite kind of jewelry?
21. Who is Hiccup madly in love with?
22. What does Sneeze name is baby sister, and why?
23. What is Mrs. Wyatt's profession?
24. Why did D & D attack King Cluck at the History Faire?
25. What does Sneeze always carry with him?

If you get all 25 answers correct, you will receive an autographed copy of one of my books of your choice. Good luck!

A few weeks back, Tori C., an 8th grade girl from Rhode Island, wrote to tell me she'd nominated Pierre Noel (the fake-French-speaking kid from Oklahoma, who dreams of becoming a famous chef) from my novels 101 Ways to Bug Your Teacher and 101 Ways to Bug Your Parents, for her school's Literary Oscars. The category Pierre was nominated for was Most Humorous Character in a novel

Well, the votes are in and tallied: PIERRE WON!

Tori told me she had to give an acceptance speech in Pierre's phony French accent. :) Here is a picture of the award:





As Pierre would say: "Mon Dieu! Zees eez an 'onor!"

Tori's brother's friend also nominated a character from my books for the Literary Oscars: He chose Ace, hoping this ultra-cool kid would win Best Supporting Character. Alas, Ace didn't win. But, honestly, he is too cool to care. :)

Congratulations, Tori! Congratulations, Pierre! And thank you! (Merci beau coup!)