“It was a dark and stormy night;” the first sentence began.

Maybe if Edward Bulwer-Lytton had used a period instead of a semi-colon, a contest wouldn’t have been named for him 152 years later.

Madeleine L’Engle’s Newbery-award-winning novel A WRINKLE IN TIME also begins “It was a dark and stormy night." But she had the sense to use a period. And to follow with a great story. I doubt many people know if Bulwer-Lytton’s novel PAUL CLIFFORD is great or not, because they never get past that infamous first sentence, which continued:

“. . . rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”

Bor-ring.

Not to mention Aw-ful.

In 1982, the Department of English at San Jose State University launched the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the best worst first sentence of a novel. (Their official website, http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/,
proudly proclaims that the www stands for ‘Wretched Writers Welcome.’)

Thousands of entries from all over the world are submitted each year, pebbled with prose so pimple-purple my eyes water when reading them - – either from fall-off-my-chair hysteria or the kind of nausea I usually experience when my cat hucks up a scaly lizard foot on the carpet.



"It was a day, like any other day, in that Linus got up, faced the sunrise, used his inhaler, applied that special cream between his toes, wrote a quick note and put it in a bottle, and wished he'd been stranded on the island with something other than 40 cases each of inhalers, decorative bottles, and special toe cream." -Chris Harget, Campbell, CA

"It had been a dark and stormy night, but as dawn began to light up the eastern sky, to the west the heavens suddenly cleared, unveiling a pale harvest moon that reposed gently atop the distant mesa like a pumpkin on a toilet with the lid down." - Gerald R. Johnson, Vancouver, WA


After perusing these and the other 2006 winners (http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2006.htm),
I mopped my eyes, considered a Pepto-Bismol chaser, and thought:

Why not a Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for Kids? I mean, what better way for them to learn what makes a first sentence good (or not-so-good) by purposely writing a bad, boring one? Okay, maybe there are better ways. But certainly not as fun. And learning what makes a first sentence hook readers into reading on, as opposed to inducing an instant Yawn, just might turn students into better writers.

So here are some suggested rules for sponsoring a Best Worst First Sentence Contest in your class, school or library:


1. Entrants must be between the ages of 8 and 12 (or 13-17, or . . . )
2. Each entry must be one sentence only.
3. The sentence may be as long as you wish, but you must use correct punctuation.
4. The sentence must be original. No 'borrowing' from previously published books. No help from teachers, librarians, parents, siblings, pets, etc., is allowed, either.
5. The sentence may be in the style of a science fiction, fantasy, western, detective, mystery, romance, contemporary, or historical novel, suitable for children.

To host a contest, you will also need to:
1. Choose an appropriate deadline.
2. Choose the judges for your contest (teachers? librarian? parents? a local writer?)
3. Think about how the sentences will be judged. (The one that makes the judges laugh the most, groan the most or snore the most?)
4. Decide on the types of prizes awarded (gift certificate from a local independent bookstore; free pizza or smoothie; extra free reading time in class . . . or?)
5. Announce the winners with their entries on your school website or in the school newspaper/newsletter.
6. Post the winning entries on my blog!


Here is a warm-up activity to use with your students before they try writing their Best Worst First:


Read aloud the first sentences from a selection children’s books. After each sentence, discuss what makes it ‘good’. Meaning, what is it about the sentence that hooks the reader, urging her to keep reading. Is it the vivid language? The writer’s style? Is it what the characters are doing that’s intriguing? Is it the setting?

An example of a good first sentence is from Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White:

'"Where’s Papa going with that ax?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.'

An ax at the breakfast table? That’s not something you normally see served with your bacon and eggs. Hey, I immediately wanted to know the answer to Fern’s question too!

Next, have students make a list of five of their favorite first sentences. Again, discuss what makes those sentences 'good.'

Have fun!